


Of Tea and Silence

by verdant_leaves



Series: Where it Began (FFXIV) [2]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Gen, Nonbinary Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Pre-Final Fantasy XIV 1.0
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:20:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27180322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verdant_leaves/pseuds/verdant_leaves
Summary: Cid is determined to pry off the stony mask of the Ironworks' newest member. After a little observation and an exchange between them and his crew, he thinks he's found his way in.
Series: Where it Began (FFXIV) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1983970
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	Of Tea and Silence

**Author's Note:**

> I took some liberties with Au Ra physiology and tradition. I'm not ashamed to say that my Warrior of Light is a vessel for some of my own insecurities and struggles with my own gender identity. Nothing written here is intended to offend and is written from my heart and observations of the world around me.

Azayaka settled into a routine within their first week at Garlond Ironworks. They awoke early in the morning to see Cid emerge from his room, blearly-eyed and in dire need of liquid energy. After seeing him to his cup, they would watch the engineers as they arrived, often in pairs or groups of three, save for the terminal loners that were Jessie and Charledore. 

After all had arrived they would stand by and hear the day’s tasks: If there was to be deliveries made or received, they would accompany said deliveries. If there was to be testing, they would accompany the engineers assigned. On the rare occasion of maintenance to the airships of the three city-states, Azayaka would join for those as well.

For those days when the workshop was abuzz with all hands, Azayaka produced their own delicate cup, one of the few things from their home so far away, and sat with a cup of tea.

They had long ago exhausted their reserves of Hingashan tea. It had taken some time, but they had settled themselves with Eorzean chamomile tea as a satisfactory alternative. Unlike some who sought tea for its relief from somnolence, Azayaka sipped at tea for the experience.

Tea had been a special time in their home, the brewing and pouring a bonding experience between they and their parents. For everything else that had become of their relationship with their parents, their memories over tea remained special. It was something that choices made could not take away.

“Doesn’t it ever get boring?” Azayaka opened their eyes and glanced over to the inquiring Miqo'te. E’bolaff was not one to mince words. “Everyday you’re in here it’s always the same: Chamomile tea and watching us in silence. It’s a wonder you don’t fall asleep sitting there like that.”

Azayaka tilted their head toward her. “It is simple,” they said. “It is fine.”

“Oh, sure, but fine only gets ya so far,” E’bolaff said with a wave of her hand. “You know there’s other tea out there, yea?” Again, Azayaka tilted their head toward her. “You need to spice it up!”

“Your idea of spicing things up barely fits into an engineer’s budget!” Suzari Sorezari shouted from the other end of the workshop. “Don’t go assuming it will fit into a bodyguard’s budget!”

“It ain’t that extravagant!” E’bolaff shouted back, tail fluffing as it stuck straight up in the air. She turned back to Azayaka. “I was thinking about mulled tea! It’s spiced, so it would literally add spice to-”

“Isn’t that was the sultanate drinks!?” Saelbmoht shouted from beneath a half-dismantled airship engine. He pushed himself out and sat up to look at E’bolaff. “You really think our friend here could afford that!?”

“It’s not just the sultanate that drinks it!” E’bolaff defended with a huff. She crossed her arms. “I’ve seen merchants drinking it on the Sapphire Avenue Exchange.”

“Merchants with deep pockets, no doubt,” Jessie scoffed. She stepped up to E’bolaff and Azayaka. “If Azayaka says that their usual chamomile tea suits them just fine, then I think you should respect that and leave it at that.” She then leaned into E’bolaff. “And get back to work. This engine won’t rebuild itself.” E’bolaff stepped back fearfully before quickly scurrying off. Jessie shook her head before looking to Azayaka. The Au Ra regarded the vice-president with a silent tilt of their head. Jessie nodded and turned to return to their work.

All the while, Cid watched and listened to the exchanges from behind his drafting table. As everyone returned to their work, he looked to Azayaka quietly. They returned to sipping at their chamomile tea, the same thoughtful expression writ upon their face. 

He often wondered what thoughts they had as they watched him and his crew, day in and day out. Their few words with E’bolaff just now had been the most they said in the past few weeks since joining them. They were an individual of few words, but he just knew there were many more hiding behind their normally-stoic expressions. Their face as their imbibed in their sole indulgence told as much.

At that thought, Cid brought his hand up to his chin in thought. Tea was their sole indulgence. There was nothing else that they sought out, no other vices that were apparent. They certainly didn’t leave the workshop after-hours. In fact, contrary to their statement at the beginning of their employment they hadn’t sought other housing at all.

“Simple,” he said to himself. Yes, that was what Azayaka seemed to prefer. Remaining on-hand at the workshop made everything more simple. As simple as their tea…

He turned his attention back to his work, revising his draft for a new transmission for the Enterprise, but found his attention drawn back up to Azayaka. Their eyes were closed now and a rare smile drawn across their lips. Their cup of tea was either half-full or empty, as Cid could no longer see the top of the liquid. Either way the cup remained delicately grasped in their hands.

He was back to wondering what they thought about. Were they musing over the present? Thinking fondly of the past, of home? Contemplating what the future may bring? Cid found that he wanted desperately to ask, to meet the person behind the facade. 

Looking back to his draft, he chuckled as a thought came to mind. He quickly strode to Jessie and, whispering, asked her to watch the shop as he stepped out to acquire something for their guest. This earned a look of disapproval but Jessie said nothing.

Azayaka observed Cid’s exit only as he stepped through the doors. They found it unusual as he rarely left the workshop alone, but was not in the habit of interrupting the work of others. Instead, they continued observing the others and sipping their tea.

Cid did not return until much later, by which time the crew had finished rebuilding the engine and were cleaning up the workshop. He greeted them as he passed through, congratulating their finished work and praising them. He carried a small parcel that he deposited on his drafting table. Only after did he spare a glance to Azayaka.

They were still sat in the same place as before. The only sign that they had moved was the absence of their tea cup, now hidden away wherever it was that Azayaka hid such things. He made a mental note to figure out those little secrets, too, though purely for curiosity’s sake.

Once the crew had departed for the evening, Azayaka turned their attention to Cid. “You intend to work late,” they said, stating fact rather than questioning intention.

“Yes,” Cid said, “Though not on my usual.” He reached over and retrieved the parcel from his drafting table. “I had hoped we might spend the night getting to know each other. Over a couple cups of this.” He handed the parcel to Azayaka.

The Au Ra afforded him a curious tilt of their head as they took the offered parcel. They undid the twine and pulled gently at the paper with deft fingers, revealing an ornate mahogany box. Azayaka’s head shot up to look at Cid, eyes blown wide in surprise. “Well, open it,” he said. “I’ll fetch myself a cup since I don’t know where you hide yours.”

He stepped back to his draft table and lifted various papers, fishing for the mug he knew to be there somewhere. At last, he found the lonely earthenware mug, likely the only one of his that was clean in the whole workshop. He retrieved it quickly and then scrambled to stop the landslide of papers.

After shifting them around to prevent their untimely scattering, he turned to see Azayaka holding the opened box close to their face. He watched as they breathed in deeply, taking in the spiced scent of the mulled tea bags within. Their face was nothing but bliss, a warm smile spread across their lips that told Cid this was a most worthy investment.

“I see it meets your approval,” he said as he moved around his table to rejoin them. They set the box down on their lap and looked up to him. As he approached he was hit with a powerful waft of spice. “I know what you told E’bolaff, but I rather think we all need our little indulgences here and there.” He stopped as Azayaka stood. “Never you mind what the crew said about costs and the like. It’s a gift. Think of it as such and nothing more.”

Azayaka smiled again and nodded. “Then I shall,” they said. They closed the box and extended their hand to him. “Your cup. I shall return henceforth.”

Cid pulled up a chair beside Azayaka’s usual place and waited as they hurried off on their task. He was content to wait for a different day to learn the secret of their cup’s hidden place. Instead, he focused on what he may learn over two cups of mulled tea.

He didn’t need to wait long for the scent of spice to drift into the workshop. He looked to the hall and shortly after saw Azayaka emerge with two steaming cups. They set them on the barrel beside their seat and sat down. They then offered Cid his own cup.

“My thanks,” he said, taking the hot cup into hand. He held it by its worn handle as Azayaka took theirs.

“No, I give thanks to you,” they said. “You have provided this to me.” They smiled again and brought the cup to their lips. They fell silence as Azayaka was content to sip slowly at the new tea. Cid was slower, usually one to let his hot beverages sit until they were just warm before consuming them nearly in one go. He didn’t want to be rude to Azayaka, however, and so sipped very carefully at the hot tea in his hands.

After some time, Azayaka was the one to break the silence. “You wish to learn more of me,” they said, resting their cup on their lap. “This is an unusual request, in that no one has asked this of me. I welcome it. What would you know?”

Cid was taken aback. “No one has tried to get to know you?” he asked. “What about Taryo Keiyo?” Azayaka shook their head. Cid scoffed. “Exotic piece to be displayed, indeed.” He set his cup on the barrel. “Well, I’m not sure where to start. You haven’t offered much about yourself so there’s so many places to go. Hmm, well, why did you come to Eorzea? I said it before, you’re a long way from home.”

Azayaka nodded. They brought their cup to their lips and took another sip. “I needed a new life,” they said as they lowered their cup. “I needed a life to call my own. A life neither dictated by the traditions of the Au Ra or Hingashi, nor by the conflicted upbringing of my parents.”

“That’s… a lot to unpack,” Cid said. “I’m not familiar with the traditions of the Au Ra or Hingashi, and I certainly can’t say anything to what kind of conflicted upbringing your parents had with you. If it was all enough to drive you halfway around the world, though…” He sighed. “I’ll admit, I half expected my forsaken homeland to be the cause for your travels.” He reached up, touching his goggles. “That is to say, I assumed you knew my heritage by your earlier comments.”

Azayaka nodded. “Many do not yet know that you are a son of the empire which invaded my homeland of Doma,” they said, their tone betraying no emotion. “However, there are yet those who have spoken of it freely, in reverence even.” They took another sip of their tea. “When Taryo Keiyo mentioned that he could see you in your approach upon Black Brush Station, I wished to view this traitor of Garlemald with eyes unhindered.”

“Ah, so that’s why you hid,” Cid laughed. “I guess I measured up, since you agreed to come and work for me.” He then gave paused. “Unless you’re still taking measure of me.” Azayaka tilted their head to him.

“The first week, yes,” they admitted. “My unhappiness with Taryo Keiyo was not the only motivation in taking your offer of employment.” Cid’s brow furrowed at this. “However, oft a leader is judged by the love of their men, and your crew loves you.” Azayaka’s eyes they darted away in contemplation. “Hmm, though that precise word may bear too strong an emotion for some. Regardless, I have judged your nature to be true. You are no longer a son of Garlemald.” They sipped their tea again as Cid regarded them in amusement.

“I’m glad that I don’t have to worry about your katana meeting my neck in my sleep,” he chuckled. He reached over and took his cup in hand. Giving it a swirl, he thought about his next question. “So, you are Doman, then?” he asked. “Your parents, too?”

“No, though precisely where they came from they never told me,” Azayaka said. “My mother is Raen and my father Xaela. My mother was struck with wanderlust and happened across my father in Xaela territory. They fell in love swiftly, but could not return to either clan and so made their home in Doma, along a river. I am told I followed within the year.” They scoffed, a wry grin upon their face as they looked into their cup. “I near killed my mother in my coming. Had it not been for the women in the nearby village, I would not have grown to bear such sweet memories over tea.”

“Ah, so that’s it,” Cid said quietly. Azayaka looked to him. “Your facade breaks when you have your tea. You are softer, a face of fondness. It’s had me wracking my brain for a bit.” Azayaka’s eyes grew wide and, to Cid’s amazement, a blush quickly bloomed across their cheeks and around their scales.

“I did not realize… I was unaware that I was under such scrutiny,” they said, voice weak.

“Merely curious,” Cid assured them. “I’m fascinated to know more about the person I could well be entrusting my life to.”

“Hmm.” Azayaka tilted their head. “Perhaps, to avoid any confusion in the future… It would be best to explain why I walk the pain I walk between male and female.” Cid nodded, encouraging Azayaka to go on. “To explain why, I must explain certain things about our people. When you see male and female together, there are obvious disproportions between their body sizes.” They paused. “I am of the typical build of a male Au Ra, though I fall shorter in the range. My horns are shaped as a male’s could be and my scales-” They reached up and touched the pointed scales of their chin. “By all respects, I am male in the eyes of Auri society and was to be raised as such from the moment my horns and scales developed enough to say so. However…”

They looked down upon their cup. Cid’s brow furrowed. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want,” he said. “I’m not looking to pry into anything private and secret.” Azayaka shook their head.

“No, this is good,” they said. They lifted their head, meeting their shining eyes with his. “To speak of my past with someone I trust… I have not been afforded this before.” Cid shut his mouth, biting back his surprise. Azayaka trusted him. He nodded, indicating them to carry on.

“I have the genitalia of a female,” they said flatly. “My mother held hope that I would develop elsewise as female, but was sorrowful when I did not. My father was glad when I developed as I did, that he would have his son. However, he could not bear to have my mother unhappy. As my mother could not bear another child, difficult as my birth was, they made an agreement.” Azayaka inhaled deeply before sighing. 

“Within the walls of our home, I was raised female, to be the daughter my mother desired so that the traditions of her people could be passed down accordingly. Beyond our walls, and in the eyes of the public, my father regarded me as his son. I was treated as such, trained in combat with techniques passed to him by his clan.”

“I can see how this could create conflict,” Cid said. He took a drink as Azayaka nodded, his tea rapidly growing cold. “How long did this go on?”

“From the year before the Garleans attacked Doma to until I left Kugane,” Azayaka said. They swirled their tea in their cup. “With only a bag of my most dear possessions, I bartered for passage aboard one of the few merchant vessels that braved the waters so near Imperial territory. I switched boats a few times over the next couple months until I reached Eorzea, making my landing in the small town of Vesper Bay.”

“A new life,” Cid said. “A life of your own making.” Azayaka nodded.

They fell to silence, sipping at their teas now cold. “For the confusion and conflict that my parents left me, I was left with one happiness,” they finally said. “My mother insisted upon having tea together, the three of us, every day. It was the one time when we three would be together at home and speaking candidly. We would speak of people we had met, things that had occurred, concerns for our people across the Ruby Sea… But never about me.”

“And that was… good?” Cid offered in confusion. Azayaka chuckled, a sweet sound. 

“Yes,” they clarified. “We never spoke about me, about whether I was their daughter or their son. There were no lessons at tea, no reminders of gender. I was free to forget and imagine that I was… Neither.” A contented smile spread across their lips before they lifted their cup and downed what was left. Cid followed suit. They set their empty cups upon the barrel in unison.

“I’m sorry that I’ve turned this tea session to such a topic,” Cid apologized. Azayaka shook their head.

“Again, I am glad,” they said. “To speak of these things with someone I trust is something I have not had before. Not in Kugane, and not here. Not until now. I am glad to know you, Cid Garlond. Though I may wear a facade, as you put it, know that it is the result of so many years of living two lives. Behind the mask lies the beating heart of a living, breathing individual who feels for those they protect.”

“So I see,” Cid said. He glanced to the two cups. “We’ve spent this time talking about you. Perhaps you would like to know more about me in return?”

“It would be fair,” Azayaka said, “But there will be other nights.” They took the two cups in hand and stood. “I will not keep you further from your work, or from your bed.” They bowed their head and left to attend to the cups. 

Cid watched them disappear into the hall and remained seated for a few moments before standing. He moved to his drafting table, looking over his work before shaking his head. He had only thoughts of Azayaka in his head and of their revealed past. He wouldn’t get any work done like that. 

Turning from his table, he made his way down the hall and past Azayaka as they washed the two cups. He glanced at them as he did, observing as Azayaka slid their own cup up the long sleeve of their robe and into a pocket within. He grinned as he continued to his room, the mystery solved.

The next morning, Azayaka was awake before him as usual. As he scrounged for a clean cup, he found his cup from the night before being offered to him. “I shall locate and clean your other cups today,” they said as he took it from them. “It does not do to leave them to fester.” They offered him a smile before moving to stand watch over his crew that would be arriving in short order. 

Cid was left stunned as the broken routine, but soon came around with a chuckle. He had seen behind the facade and now knew the true person that lived there. He could only hope to have more unscripted moments like this in the future.


End file.
